[QUOTE=FireSprite;4561005]
Stung made a good point to keep in mind - not every non-A spouse is healthy or ready to hear that they need to work their own recovery. If they aren't ready to hear & see all of this, there's nothing you can do to make them. I can see how, if you are really NOT ready to face the music, then you would resist any idea that your kids are hurting... that can be too much for some to handle emotionally. None of us wants to ever think that we are allowing our kids to get hurt.[/QUOTE]
That's a very good point. I think in every relationship with an alcoholic, no matter if friend or family, children or not, there's a lot of "unthinkable stuff" involved, and that it can be a long stretch from building awareness to taking it to action.
Even after closing the door to insanity once and for all, I had a hard time reading about "enabling". Together with the accusations I had to hear from the alcoholic and their "support system" it was more shame than I could handle, so I get what you say about the emotional pain and keeping in mind that every family is different.
I like the idea about asking family members why they think their children aren't affected and to read up on ACoA. Thank you for that!