Originally Posted by
roguedreams 
It's just that dang STUCK feeling. "I can't". I can't move out, I'm stuck in a lease with a guy that gets mad if I refuse a drink. He's only sweet if I drink with him. I've asked if he would support me through AA, he's hesitantly said yes, but has also said he won't quit drinking himself. I've tried to break up with him three times this year, all three times ending in horrible stalemates.
How honest do you want to get? You just need to be honest with yourself about how willing you are to get better. You "know" addiction/recovery and the "pot of gold" on the other side. This is good because now you need to be willing to get there.
Sounds like your in a toxic relationship but he is at least supporting (for the time being) your desire to attend AA. You don't even have to be sober to start attending, just ave the desire. Try putting one foot in front of the other to start - attend a meeting, then attend another.
Maybe start with seeing if you can go a week without booze. The maybe two. Focus on just getting through the day. Develop a plan to get you through the tough times during the day.
Honestly if you want real lasting change your going to have to change just about everything in your life. You have built a life around addiction. This is not a judgement simply recognizing that you are going to need to be willing to make some real changes to your life to free yourself so you can "run with the bulls in Spain" and "soar like an eagle."