Welcome - you have come to the right place. I actually relate to much of what you wrote. I am a guy and don't dance but the mindset is the same. We both use in your case and past tense in mine substances and behaviors to fill a void inside that was unsettled. This darkness in my case was never able to be satisfied by money, drugs, booze, sex, relationships. It took me twenty years to realize that I was chasing my tail, as I believe you are too.
I am glad you joined and hope you stay, your in the right place. Many will relate to your story, as its basic addiction in my opinion. The first step toward recovery is sobriety though. You can;t get better while using. I would start with mind altering first (alcohol and drugs) and then can begin working towards behaviors.