Here goes...
I'm new here, have not yet made the decision to be sober, somewhat sad, generally perplexed, very messy and totally and utterly in belief that no one here will accept me or comprehend my exact personal life story.
But I made a promise to myself to ignore that last part, so in keeping with that promise, here I am. In a nutshell, give or take a nut.
First born, daughter of a high-functioning alcoholic dad (with a temper) and a stay-at-home passive mom. Very strict religious family, I might add. Pressure to perform was maximal.
Developed anorexia as an early teen, graduated high school at sixteen, proceeded to slowly f*** up my life. Moved from home at 18, married at 21, two kids by the time I was 26. Struggled pretty severely with eating disorders dished up with a side of alcoholism ... nearly lost my life a couple times, served seven long in-patient treatment "sessions" for my ED. Overall really rough times.
I somehow recovered from anorexia, bulimia and alcohol addiction, only then to go through a nasty divorce. (I still marvel that I went through that 100% sober!)
Fast forward to now. I started my alcohol relapse two years ago. Shortly thereafter (and completely unrelated) my ex lost his job and decided to move back to his childhood stomping grounds in Cali. When he lost his job, I'd lost child support and had had to find work quickly ... and so resorted to dancing (unbeknownst to him). When he decided to relocate, we made a mutual decision that the girls go with him, as his family and he would be better able to provide them with the care they needed.
Shortly thereafter I moved back home to the big D. I continued to dance (and still do) and continued to drink. Met this guy about a year ago, super sweet awesome dude, but he drinks. Like, DRINKS. Never really gets angry, but drinks way more than I did at the time I met him. We moved in together pretty quickly... I've continued to drink a little more and a little more as each week passes. Now I drink more than he! And in the last few months, for no real explicable reason, my eating disorders have returned with a vengeance.
So here I am. A single mom away from her kids. With a fellow that probably has a drinking problem too (I'd say it's abuse more than addiction? But who am I to know!) ... I work in an industry where alcohol consumption is supported and my income actually goes up if I drink. I'm relapsing in terms of the old EDs and my drinking is out of control. I don't drive drunk (as I can afford to get a cab or get a ride from a friend at work) so I have no legal consequences from it but the personal life results are staggering already.
Humbly submitted...
Rogue