Well, I do believe every situation is different. Every qualifier is different and every child is different. Also, alcoholism is progressive, so a family in the early stages is less likely to have as big an impact compared to someone in the late stages exposed to more of the negative behaviors. I also think there is some element of denial in homes. We live it everyday, it becomes our norm so its hard to see it from a different perspective.
I know when I first came here I was in denial. Certainly my situation was different. My A was a closet, hidden drinker, never argumentative or violent so therefore how could my kids (pre-school and early elementary age) even know he was drinking or be affected by it. Well guess what they were!! The drinking progressed, the kids got older and started noticing things. And just the tension in the household from my crazy codependant ways and trying to control everything affected them. After a few years of reading and learning and listening, I see how it has affected them. My daughter has anxiety and is in therapy for it. I can't 100 percent say this was "caused" by alcoholism but Im sure it didnt help. My son who is 5 has severe anger outbursts now and is showing signs of low self-esteem. I do think this directly relates to my AH and him not being able to "count" on him to play with or be involved as much as he needs him to be because his father's focus is drinking. He will be getting into therapy too as soon as my new insurance kicks in.