Hi soap and welcome!
We've all been exactly where you are before. There's nothing that sets anyone here apart from you on this one:
Then out of nowhere I have a day when logic won't work. I can read everything i've wrote down about being miserable, dark, etc. I will come here and read but in my mind i'm already having a drink. And i will seriously say my stumbling block words, then something about not caring about death, because everyone dies in the end, life is short anyway, and you win devil, you win. It has become such a pattern, i feel powerless to stop it.
One of the hardest things about sobriety and recovery is hanging on at that point. In fact, it's one thing to come on here the morning after a bad hangover or after we've done something horrific and say that we're quitting. The word "easy" isn't really accurate but that's the point where we've indulged ourselves and don't yet want a drink. The words get spoken but they don't mean nearly as much as they do when your dilemma in quotes occurs.
You have to do whatever it is that's necessary to power through that. Have a plan in place and if need be incorporate the help of a trusted friend when this occurs. The plus is that as bad as this feeling is it does dissipate. It doesn't go on and on and on and the more you commit yourself to doing what's necessary to not give in the quicker it will pass.
You have to really unconditionally want this. The first few times of making yourself get through this will be tough. Each time that you do it gets easier. In fact, after a few times you come to realize that where those times really suck that this can be done.
It doesn't sound like you have a particular trigger time that you can plan for. It was probably a bit easier for me because I knew that if I could get through the weekend that was half the battle. I hated weekends for a while at first. Then I appreciated waking up in the morning not feeling like a piece of crap. So beforehand I planned things on Friday and Saturdays that completely took away my ability to drink. Then, I MADE myself do them.
Where you don't have a defined point in time it's best to plan ahead. Life gets better, MUCH better.
This board is essential at these times too.
You CAN do this!