DG, I'm really sorry to hear you're in such pain, but I KNOW you can make it through without using ! You've got the power in you and as MB suggested, try to ground yourself into this VERY Present Moment - whatever it is that you're doing , do it with 100% attention to it and this will slow down some of the painful mind-chatter. Allow some spaciousness to be within. This is TRULY deep spiritual muscle work you can build from this experience. And I also agree with MB to leave with Love. It's best for both. He is the same soul living a different experience and has as much right to his experience as you. Our surface lives may manifest differently, but our true selves are the same and with that focus, we can leave with Love and Respect for each other. This is a real growth opportunity that I KNOW you can rise to,DG !