Losthope,
Their brain becomes so sick, rewired, that the brain thinks it will die with out the drugs. Even knowing that, I still find it hard not to take it personal.
I understand how painful this is. It's been almost 2 years since my husband claimed he wanted recovery but it was a constant roller coaster and I finally had to get off for my own sanity. Today, he is still active in his addiction.
It's easy to beat ourselves up over being stupid but I think, deep down I always knew the truth, I just didn't like my options so denial was easier.
I had to relearn to trust my instincts and stay in reality. It was hard at first but it does get easier.
If you asked him to leave......what are your biggest concerns and fears? You don't need to answer it here but maybe it's time to start working on your concerns and fears. That's what helped me most.