Hi LostHope, Hugs to you. See - your insticts were right. You were not crazy.
Your feelings are perfectly normal to discover such manipulation and lying.
I am very concerned for you. It sounds like you need immediate help. Help focused on you rather than your addict. Do you have any family who can help with the kids? A friend who can come and help assess what YOU need and help pull in assistance? I am very concerned you need a break from this relationship now. You are not going to stabilize staying in this atmosphere. Much like two scrapping kids, you two need a time out!
You are right. He chooses his addiction over you. It is heartbreaking. Here we thought we gave everything to this partner, and it was all a false front. Time for you to choose you so you can be heal and be present for your children. Pull in help Lost Hope. Help focused on YOU.
Time for those airport oxygen masks. Put yours on first, then get your kids situated. Your addict has his program to fall back to. Time for you now.