Mellybug,
There is a learning strategy termed watch one, do one, teach one. I actually practiced more at work than at home initially with detaching, letting go, not having expectations, etc. I did give Codependent No More to someone at my newer job and it has made a big difference for her. I think my HP put me here to be an example for her. She has a much worse history than me and her grief is very great.
I was really honest with her when I got depressed last December and she heard me get on the phone and set up a MD appointment for myself as well as counseling. Just yesterday she told me I look 'bright' and that she likes to hear me laughing. It's true. I am truly recovering - for me - and it is visible to others. I have kept my H's history silent, but I have been open that I am in recovery for codependency.
I've made a few comments to my mom, but really I have the geographic cure so I am not about to wade in where angels fear to tread! There is some serious family dysfunction I need to investigate. I have a resource I need to approach who likely has worked a lot of this out and might help me piece a few things together and asist me in staying on the straight and narrow path.
So keep practicing Mellybug! You'll get better and more suave with it!