I think it's likely you have a pretty unhealthy relationship with alcohol...you're just having trouble coming to terms with the enormity of that.
I did it too - I thought drinking with friends was better than drinking alone, I thought beer and wine was better than hard spirits, and I thought binging was better than all day drinking....
always bargaining to somehow keep alcohol in my life....
I'd point to the few times I could keep it together as proof I could be a responsible drinker....and forget the 100s of times I couldn't.
Honestly, I think binging was actually worse for me in real terms because of the concentrated drinking I'd do over a Friday night to Sunday night period.
I'm amazed I'm alive, seriously.
D