parnellatwood

I know it's not healthy, but it's not nearly as bad as what I'm doing on a daily basis.

I'm just being honest about what I'm working through, here. I mean, if I *can* drink only in binges with friends or family, if I am *capable* of that, I want to do it. I do.

The problem is I can't seem to stop drinking for even two days. Today is day two and this is *hard.* Driving home and passing the various gas stations at which I would generally buy this evening's supply was *hard.* Getting home and just sitting at my computer, reading some stuff on the internet, and not getting up to go to the Quickstop, that was *hard.*

And yet still ... It's like I see "binge drinking with friends and family" as one unrelated thing, and "this whole thing I have going on in my life where I drink to passing out every single night alone and drink in the car on the way home and leave my apartment looking like a glass beer bottle recycling center at the end of every weekend" as another unrelated thing. I want to quit one. I don't want to quit the other. Are they separate? Are they related? I've never had a major, huge problem with how I behave when I binge drink with family and friends. I'm not like a princess at those times or anything, but I can pass for normal.

And that's the logic that I can't seem to see as crazy, even though all the collective wisdom of the drunks on the internet, which I have been reading about on and off for years now, seems to say it is.

Also please no one hate me for these posts. I'm really trying to understand. I know there's probably something wrong with what I'm thinking. But what if there isn't? If there's somewhere else, even another forum unrelated to this one, where I should be thinking about this kind of stuff instead, just let me know and I'll go there.