All I can to is offer my experience and hope that others can gain insight from it. One very important aphorism/insight I learned here is to, when looking at other problem drinkers to look for similarities not differences. For me, I wasted years looking at people I knew who "had problems," and saying to myself, "I'm not like them, I have never_____, and I don't_____." But if I would have looked for parallels between my drinking and theirs, I would have seen that I was on the same path, true, at different point of the path, but I was there all right.
Also, I tried hard for years to get back to "enjoying" the occasional wild night. Did not work for me is all I can say. Sure, I went through spells where I would grind through some sobriety as I waited for the green light to let it rip, but, again, I was on the path, not headed in a good direction. Dang, I wasted so many years trying to find ways to drink.
Good luck, and I hope you find what's best for you. Keep an open mind as to what's "normal" and what's not.