I can certainly relate to you. My AH had an affair that I found out about in December. It was with someone in AA (he has been in recovery and sober for 2 1/2 years). At the initial shock...I kicked him out of the house. He came back home a very short time later. When he came home he gave his promise that the relationship was completely over and that he wanted desparately to work on our marriage. I gave no promises. I will say that initially, he said that we could talk about the affair, but then when I would bring something up he would say that he was tired of dwelling on it and was sorry but that he couldn't change the past. I'm not sure what happened inside of him, however, within the past few weeks he is very open and honest when I question him about the affair and his actions have certainly shown to me that the affair is over and that he is dedicated to our marraige. We communicate now better than we have in our entire 10 years together. I definately see a light at the end of this dark tunnel. I knew that he had to continue to go to AA meetings and at first that was very difficult on me because I figured she would be at the meetings. He has changed his meeting schedule so that the chances are slimmer that he will run into her. I am slowly but surely regaining trust. But HIS actions have made that possible for me. I don't think that I will ever forget the pain and devastation of finding out about his affair. The pain was raw!!! I feel for you and understand what you are going through. I, too, always thought that an affair would be a deal breaker for me, but until you are in the situation yourself, it's hard to see how you would react. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I'm always here to listen! Just focus on yourself and your recovery....it's the only way to survive in my opinion. I have definately started going to more meetings to help to keep my sanity!