couple of good articles by Terri Rimmer
How to Sponsor Someone in Recovery - ***** Voices - voices.*****.com
How to Sponsor Someone in Recovery
I've been around the program of recovery known as AA since 1988.
In that time I've been exposed to all kinds of sponsors - the "Nazi" kind who won't budge on anything and are hard-core, the soft, "sweet as pie" type whose answer to everything is the Serenity Prayer, and a good mix of in between.
What to Look for in an AA Sponsor - ***** Voices - voices.*****.com
What to Look for in an AA Sponsor
You want to pick someone who doesn't gossip or divulge confidential information to others, including AA members. You have to have that trust. If it's questionable, keep looking.
The reason that is so important can be illustrated in the following story. A few years ago I heard a story in an AA meeting about a woman, who, early in her sobriety, did a confession with her sponsor. The sponsor, in turn, scattered her information that was written down all over the parking lot of the school where her sponsee taught. The result was the entire school knew the sponsee's life story which had horribly intimate details about a sordid life she used to live. The incredible thing was that the sponsee had taught long enough at the school so that the administration told her, "You're not that person any more. We know who you are today and that is all that matters."
It's also important that your sponsor not be judgmental, espcially about parenting and relationships in your life. For instance, if you placed a child for adoption you want to make sure that your sponsor is not going to judge you for this or ask insensitive questions.
You also want to make sure that your sponsor is not an extremist. For instance, I once had a "Nazi" sponsor who told me not to have sex for ten years. And she was serious but I thought she was kidding. This is the kind of extreme behavior that you do not want in a sponsor.
If you are on medication such as anti-depressants, you have to get a read on what your sponsor feels about that. If they tell you to get off your anti-depressants, run the other way and find another sponsor. I've seen this happen over and over. We are not doctors in AA and I have witnessed many new members get off their meds at the urging of their sponsors only to wind up drinking, drugging, or attempting suicide.