What does it mean to be a “good” sponsor?
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Originally Posted by silentrun 
I have seen some things said that just drive me nuts though. Like if you see a crime committed in a meeting room you have to ask your sponsor what to do about it.
Originally Posted by silentrun
Or someone with 2 years already under their belt is scolded because they don't pray right. Does anyone really have the right to interlope on that relationship?.
Originally Posted by silentrun
I know I gravitate to any evidence that would support that I shouldn't go so there is that. Seriously though explain these attitudes. I have read some of the AA stickies and words do not seem to be matching up in actions.
Nevertheless silentrun, even with all of my agreement with you, I think you may be slightly unfair . You may be judging AA by the behavior of some of it's members. AA is not the behavior of its members, and should not be judged in that way. It's a little like sitting in church and ignoring the sermon, because you know that the person sitting in the next pew has committed a terrible sin.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
Originally Posted by awuh1
Agreed. Not reporting a crime could make you an accessory to that crime if you do not report it.
Again I agree. In fact the book has words to this effect, that is, no one should tell us how to meet our God.
3 for 3. I agree again. The words of individual members are sometimes spoken as though they are straight from the book. I like to ask people where, exactly, something they have said can be found in the book. This is what I would do if a sponsor said I "don't pray right".
Nevertheless silentrun, even with all of my agreement with you, I think you may be slightly unfair . You may be judging AA by the behavior of some of it's members. AA is not the behavior of its members, and should not be judged in that way. It's a little like sitting in church and ignoring the sermon, because you know that the person sitting in the next pew has committed a terrible sin.
Again I agree. In fact the book has words to this effect, that is, no one should tell us how to meet our God.
3 for 3. I agree again. The words of individual members are sometimes spoken as though they are straight from the book. I like to ask people where, exactly, something they have said can be found in the book. This is what I would do if a sponsor said I "don't pray right".
Nevertheless silentrun, even with all of my agreement with you, I think you may be slightly unfair . You may be judging AA by the behavior of some of it's members. AA is not the behavior of its members, and should not be judged in that way. It's a little like sitting in church and ignoring the sermon, because you know that the person sitting in the next pew has committed a terrible sin.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 100
a bit more info on the author and the article,
Margaret Bullitt-Jonas (an Episcopal priest, writer, retreat leader, and climate activist. )
The Art of Sponsorship: Beyond the Basics [Published in STEPS (A Magazine of Hope and Healing for Christians in Recovery), Vol. 15, No. 4, pp. 4-8]
Margaret Bullitt-Jonas (an Episcopal priest, writer, retreat leader, and climate activist. )
The Art of Sponsorship: Beyond the Basics [Published in STEPS (A Magazine of Hope and Healing for Christians in Recovery), Vol. 15, No. 4, pp. 4-8]
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 100
couple of good articles by Terri Rimmer
How to Sponsor Someone in Recovery - ***** Voices - voices.*****.com
How to Sponsor Someone in Recovery
What to Look for in an AA Sponsor - ***** Voices - voices.*****.com
What to Look for in an AA Sponsor
How to Sponsor Someone in Recovery - ***** Voices - voices.*****.com
How to Sponsor Someone in Recovery
I've been around the program of recovery known as AA since 1988.
In that time I've been exposed to all kinds of sponsors - the "Nazi" kind who won't budge on anything and are hard-core, the soft, "sweet as pie" type whose answer to everything is the Serenity Prayer, and a good mix of in between.
In that time I've been exposed to all kinds of sponsors - the "Nazi" kind who won't budge on anything and are hard-core, the soft, "sweet as pie" type whose answer to everything is the Serenity Prayer, and a good mix of in between.
What to Look for in an AA Sponsor - ***** Voices - voices.*****.com
What to Look for in an AA Sponsor
You want to pick someone who doesn't gossip or divulge confidential information to others, including AA members. You have to have that trust. If it's questionable, keep looking.
The reason that is so important can be illustrated in the following story. A few years ago I heard a story in an AA meeting about a woman, who, early in her sobriety, did a confession with her sponsor. The sponsor, in turn, scattered her information that was written down all over the parking lot of the school where her sponsee taught. The result was the entire school knew the sponsee's life story which had horribly intimate details about a sordid life she used to live. The incredible thing was that the sponsee had taught long enough at the school so that the administration told her, "You're not that person any more. We know who you are today and that is all that matters."
The reason that is so important can be illustrated in the following story. A few years ago I heard a story in an AA meeting about a woman, who, early in her sobriety, did a confession with her sponsor. The sponsor, in turn, scattered her information that was written down all over the parking lot of the school where her sponsee taught. The result was the entire school knew the sponsee's life story which had horribly intimate details about a sordid life she used to live. The incredible thing was that the sponsee had taught long enough at the school so that the administration told her, "You're not that person any more. We know who you are today and that is all that matters."
It's also important that your sponsor not be judgmental, espcially about parenting and relationships in your life. For instance, if you placed a child for adoption you want to make sure that your sponsor is not going to judge you for this or ask insensitive questions.
You also want to make sure that your sponsor is not an extremist. For instance, I once had a "Nazi" sponsor who told me not to have sex for ten years. And she was serious but I thought she was kidding. This is the kind of extreme behavior that you do not want in a sponsor.
If you are on medication such as anti-depressants, you have to get a read on what your sponsor feels about that. If they tell you to get off your anti-depressants, run the other way and find another sponsor. I've seen this happen over and over. We are not doctors in AA and I have witnessed many new members get off their meds at the urging of their sponsors only to wind up drinking, drugging, or attempting suicide.
You also want to make sure that your sponsor is not an extremist. For instance, I once had a "Nazi" sponsor who told me not to have sex for ten years. And she was serious but I thought she was kidding. This is the kind of extreme behavior that you do not want in a sponsor.
If you are on medication such as anti-depressants, you have to get a read on what your sponsor feels about that. If they tell you to get off your anti-depressants, run the other way and find another sponsor. I've seen this happen over and over. We are not doctors in AA and I have witnessed many new members get off their meds at the urging of their sponsors only to wind up drinking, drugging, or attempting suicide.
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