mcviking

I was arrested for possession of weed, paraphernalia, and failed a field sobriety test this past Friday. I haven't received anything in the mail yet, but I am terrified. I haven't used since, but I don't know what I am going to do. I was sober for about 14 months, but I went back out and started drinking and smoking again. I am unemployed. I just got out of rehab in November after 11 months. My unemployment will run out soon. I am going to meetings and seeking counseling but I am terrified that I will never have a normal life after this. I have a degree. I used to have good jobs, but since rehab I have felt absolutely useless and powerless. It was basically like being locked away from the outside world for a year. I picked up again because I was scared of the future, and now it is bleaker than ever. I accept that I am an addict. I accept that I am an alcoholic. I am doing everything I can to stay sober, but I don't know how I am going to survive after this. I don't know how I am ever going to have a job that I can support myself with. I don't know how to explain how I haven't worked since 2012. I am a terrible liar. I never thought my life would be like this. I never thought that this would happen again after the hell I went through the first time around, yet here I am again, even more screwed. I am not afraid to go to jail. I am COMPLETELY terrified of being able to support myself once the poop hits the fan. I know I deserve this. I will not blame anyone for this happening but myself. I just want to know if there is life after another DUI. If a career is possible with a record. This is definately a wake up call for me. I am not playing the shoulda coulda wouldas. I am trying to accept responsibility for my actions, and trying to move past it and get on with my life. Today I am clean and for that I am grateful, but I still feel frozen with fear.