Oh, man!!! I remember those days! When I was 16, I married the capt. of the football team at our high school. He was a senior and very popular. My life at home wasn't the greatest with overly strict parents, so I thought that moving out with him was the best thing to do at the time.
WRONG!!! He started beating me within 6 months and I went to school lying to everybody about the beatings . "Oh, I got into a car accident". "I hit my eye on the cupboard door"...etc. Some knew better even my class counselor. But, I was raised that "you make your bed, you lie in it".
My parents "disowned" me and I was stuck in the choice that I had made to live with this physically/mentally abusive person (whom showed no signs of the abuse BEFORE I moved in and he didn't drink. He did drugs). It was pure hell. I'd get hit for no reason and called names and called down 24/7. I was scared to death sleeping on couches at night just holding so tightly onto my pillow....my heart racing and me praying "God PLEASE! Get me outta here".
It took a few years, but I did get out. The physical abuse isn't as bad as the mental. A bruise goes away in 5-7 days. If you could open up the chest of a person that has been mentally abused for years, you would see scars upon scars. Words can cut like a knife. But, I knew that I deserved so much better and even though I had no place to go, I planned for years how to get out. I stashed $ away in hidden places. He worked in our home, so he "watched" over me all the time and when he'd leave, he'd pull the plugs on my truck, so that I couldn't leave.
But, ONE day....he messed up and left without pulling the plugs on the truck and I was SO ready. I got out with just the bare essentials that I needed and then got into the local low income housing. I actually got a 3 bedroom apt with a washer/dryer for $13 a month!! Plus, financial aid and foodstamps just until I could get a job of my own. (he wouldn't let me work while we were together).
It can be done. Alot of prayers went into that. I went into therapy right after that to help me get through the trauma of living in what I did. That took awhile, too, but it took me awhile to get out of that situation, also.
So, don't give up! Don't think that you're to blame! Don't buy his rants and raves. It's him that needs the serious help, not you. But, there are alot of people out there that can help you. There are alot on here
My prayers are with you!