Here is a way I finally learned about guilt...it's useless! I knew that, that didn't help...what did help me was the thought that guilt did nothing for my children. My guilt didn't help me be a good mom, didn't help me put them and me first, didn't help me protect them, didn't help me, didn't help me...didn't help THEM. Think about that...is your AH worth that? I only share that because I was so guilt driven for so long, and then one day I realized what it was good for...nothing. But, it wasn't enough that it hurt me, but when it might hurt my children... that woke me up.
And I understand about the financial uncertainties... it's not easy..no way around it. But, just how important is that? It may be very imortant, I don't know... but, think about it. And if you get divorced, he will be responsible for some of the debt too...again, avoid making assumptions and projecting about what 'could' happen. Hang in there sweetie! And I'm so glad about the counseling...I think I'm going back to mine as well!