((((Queen))))) Just wanted to send some love your way. We all know how hard this can be - I am reminded of growing up with my dad when I hear your story and how when he was on a rampage (didn't drink, but abusive as hell), you just prayed he didn't come near you. I get sick to my stomach thinking about it. You are here, and you are taking steps towards recovery, and that is a good thing... you will know what you need to do in time. And yes, you are right - no one should have to live in fear. I understand about your house - but, I would be willing to bet that your kids would not be able to pack fast enough if it meant a peaceful, happy life for you and them. Deep breaths and baby steps...and NO projecting! Projection is my worst enemy! I worry so much about what if this, what if that...a huge waste of time. And rivercitybelle is right - for all you know, YOU may be the one who is included in your H's relatives llives, not your AH. You just never know - and you cross each bridge as you get to it. I try to remember that "today is the tomorrow you worried about all day yesterday - was it worth it??" It never is. Huge hugs to you sweetie... you will be alright. One day, minute, step at a time! You'll get where you need to be...