Realizations
Ack I'm really getting it...I see that I've been here this long purely out of fear of leaving him to take care of himself! But he doesn't want help! He's just as arrogant as ever. I can leave him and it's ok! I don't like being his wife and I haven't for so long, but I've pretended and I've happily accepted every tiny scrap of affection he gave me! So ridiculous. This isn't me. I don't make excuses for an abuser. I don't give and give and try to be a perfect wife to someone who doesn't deserve a perfect wife! I've been questioning my own sanity for a long time and I bought his accusations that I'm crazy, hard to live with, oppressive....even though I don't have problems getting along with anyone but him! He's a miserable, mean person who doesn't want help. That's who he is, the mean guy he can be is the same guy as the nice guy he sometimes is. But I'm not happy here and I can let go and it's ok! Thank you for helping me see that.