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Old 03-19-2014, 09:35 PM
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Realizations

Ack I'm really getting it...I see that I've been here this long purely out of fear of leaving him to take care of himself! But he doesn't want help! He's just as arrogant as ever. I can leave him and it's ok! I don't like being his wife and I haven't for so long, but I've pretended and I've happily accepted every tiny scrap of affection he gave me! So ridiculous. This isn't me. I don't make excuses for an abuser. I don't give and give and try to be a perfect wife to someone who doesn't deserve a perfect wife! I've been questioning my own sanity for a long time and I bought his accusations that I'm crazy, hard to live with, oppressive....even though I don't have problems getting along with anyone but him! He's a miserable, mean person who doesn't want help. That's who he is, the mean guy he can be is the same guy as the nice guy he sometimes is. But I'm not happy here and I can let go and it's ok! Thank you for helping me see that.
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Old 03-19-2014, 10:13 PM
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Hearing your strength is up lifting. Good job taking care of yourself and your children. You all deserve so much more. Never settle for less; you all are worth it!
big hugs!
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Old 03-19-2014, 10:16 PM
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So happy to read this Emmy!!!!

After I read the intermittent chicken and cycles of abuse, I really saw what I tried so hard to ignore!!
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Old 03-20-2014, 06:40 AM
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Originally Posted by EmmyG
He's a miserable, mean person who doesn't want help. That's who he is, the mean guy he can be is the same guy as the nice guy he sometimes is.
And this, is the bottom line. He is both....

Take good care of your children and yourself, Emmy!
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Old 03-20-2014, 06:45 AM
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Originally Posted by EmmyG View Post
I can leave him and it's ok!
...
I've pretended and I've happily accepted every tiny scrap of affection he gave me! So ridiculous.
...
I've been questioning my own sanity for a long time and I bought his accusations that I'm crazy, hard to live with, oppressive
Soon after I had this enlightenment in my own life I also realized that if he was or had been SO miserable, he could have left himself.

Once the "clouds" started to part and the fog began to lift my mind and views the whole situation changed dramatically.

It really is a two way street and the above really help me put most of my guilt (feelings) in its proper place. I will own my part in this, but I refuse to own his too.
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Old 03-20-2014, 06:49 AM
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I'm getting a little teary-eyed reading this.
Yes. You have a right to leave.
Yes. You have a right to focus on you and the children.
Yes, their father has the responsibility to take care of himself.

Your wings may feel week after having lived in a cage but you are already starting to take flight again.

Hugs!
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Old 03-20-2014, 07:23 AM
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Thank you for sharing. I love hearing all the self discoveries on this board.
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