Im right there with you! I am in the process of filing. I just turned in all the paperwork and questionaires to my lawyer. I too just want to be free from the chaos and hurt. But the reality is, it is not going to change for me. My loving partner that I married "left" years ago and was replaced by another person who I dont really even know or like anymore. This is it, take it or leave it and I cant take it anymore so as painful as it is, I have to leave it. If we could will our A's to get better, we wouldnt be here. Unfortunately nothing changes unless something changes.