Thank you all for the responses to this post. The last thread of bother I have is that my children refuse contact with their father. And while I understand it and support it, courts have told me it's my responsibility to "work toward a reconciliation" since I'm the person with the most influence over the kids.
Lady scribbler, your post is pretty much what my kids tell me. I've left the door open for them that they are always free to contact their father any time they like, but I won't ever push them to do it.
These posts have me feeling like I'm actually doing the right thing for them. I think I knew that. But I still felt that I had some kind of responsibility to "make it better." But you are all right. He is the only person who can do that.