I'm so sorry. It's horrible, the whole situation. It's so hard to come to terms with losing those we love when they could change it and make it better. But it sounds like he is abusive and not making effort to quit, you deserve better. I'm struggling with the embarrassment myself even though logically so many people separate and divorce and I never think badly of those who do. I know I need the peace and calm as heartbreaking as it is. Take care of yourself.