Whenever I quit in the past I was always terrified of change.
Even though I knew I wanted to stop drinking, I didn't want to lose my friends, I didn't want to be lonely and I didn't want to be different.
The proof:
I am scared about the buddy thing though - (not sure if this should be in the 'men' section)
in a day or so, my usual drinking buddy will be back in town...thankfully my disability doesn't affect my hands, and I'm a musician....so me and this guy play music together, and we usually hang out, mostly cos we both tend to be at home during the day, and we jam....
the problem is, after a drink or six, he's pretty - well I don't want to use the word manipulative, but it fits....even when I've told him I'm not drinking, he'll wait for that glimpse of longing or doubt or weakness or whatever he sees, and then he'll offer me whatever he's drinking, or even beers from the fridge that he's bought for me, and he'll keep asking me if I want one with each new drink he has...
Now I know that no-one can really force me to drink, but the fact remains I've failed in my sobriety more times with him than I've held it.
I've read a lot of the posts today, and you're right - I should cut him out my life, but he's been part of 'The Band' for nearly 15 years now and, right or wrong, the band is important to me (the other guys, even the rock n roll party animals, are no problem).
I've tried to approach him about this loads of times (and even got the other guys to, once or twice) but while he's never physical with me, he gets aggressive and intimidating when he's drunk, which kinds scares me to be honest, and he completely rejects any hint that he's trying to get me to do anything.
any tips on approaching this guy from anyone who's had this kind of thing ?
Yes thats really me as a Newbie.
The cheerfulness is entirely forced - in reality I felt so bad....my head was crazy jumbled I felt like my body was unresponsive and it took me an hour to write that post. I didn't know it then but I'd suffered the first of several mini strokes.
I thought I was going to drop dead any minute....
and yet I still 'had' to go visit my bud.
Couldn't drag me to the Drs with wild horses but I had to visit my friend.
The truth is I escaped not drinking or getting high by the very skin of my teeth.
I knew I wanted to stop but man I didn't want to.
This is me too:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ople-down.html
I needed some time away from alcohol and my drinking crew.
I needed to get my head together and decide, once and for all, what I wanted to do with my life.
I needed to make change in order for change to happen.
I stayed away from alcohol for a few months. It seems like a drop in the ocean now...sure I missed a few parties but I've gone to many more since...
I also discovered there are simple pleasures that don't need alcohol - coffee dates, DVD nights.. walking at twilight...getting back into old hobbies and new interests.
I changed in that period I was 'out of the social loop'.
My perceptions of myself, my world and what was important to me changed, especially from day one to day 90.
I didn't become someone else, I simply became someone I'd forgotten I was.
I talk of sobriety muscles. Noone starts off on the heaviest weights - you work up
I did my coffee dates and my volunteering and stayed away from boozefests until I was sure that nothing or no one could sway me from my decision to stay sober.
I still think that was a great investment.
D