comtnman740

Hey everyone,

Well I've decided that I need a change. The last two years about this time I've have given it a shot. I need to be more persistent. There is a better life in sobriety I know. No more flaking on friends because I have a bottle in my mouth, lying to coworkers about fake appts so I can go home to either drink or recover or feeling like a nervous wreck at work ready for a breakdown because of the anxiety.

I went 16 days cold turkey back in 2012 when I was homeless living in a hotel an then Easter came along and I decided to celebrate. Well bottle after bottle of rum and six pack later I managed to land a job and commuted from the Colorado forest living in a campground and showering at work while after work downing a pint of rum and a six pack that night before doing it over and over again for about six months before a major bender on a weekend. I came into work that April Day about a year ago knowing I had a deadline..was hungover and mentally exhausted. I broke down in front of some people at work and a co-worker was nice enough to bring me to the hospital with a 185/130 blood pressure and feeling at my wits end. After relaxing at the hospital they drove me to detox where the door slammed shut. Hours later I pleaded with the guy I needed to get to work the next morning so they let me out. I showed up at work the next morning to everyones surprise. My co-worker helped me find AA and I went 30 days sober. I got the chip and a couple days later saw the pub and thought I could handle it. ****ck. Since then I've been able to "maintain" and wean down to a 50ml rum and 6-8 beers per night but what kind of life is that? I still make the fake appointment excuses, flake on friends, had those feelings of anxiety at work and get intoxicated on the weekends out of control.

There is a better life and I'm really working at it. Attended AA yesterday and was so comforted to hear the stories and how I related to everyone. I have a big case of the YETS. So I'm on Day 2 thanks for listening everyone!