helluvagalnva

Hello to Everyone,

To those of you that I missed welcoming - welcome!!! I haven't posted in a long time. Alot has happened.....I took my family to Disney World for the week of Thanksgiving. I almost made the mistake of asking my ex-husband (A) to go with us. The day I was going to ask him to go with us was the day I found out (by someone other than himself) that a month ago he got arrested yet again for another DUI, evading and eluding, and assulting an officer. I took it as my higher power wanting me to know before I made the mistake of taking him with us.

His attorney is going to cost him around $6000.00 and has the chance of loosing his license for life and 9 years in jail. I asked him about it after I found out and he tried to deny it. He lied - what I suprise! Then he came clean and said yes "but, I think I'll be able to get out of it". That was it for me. I didn't ask him to go. He did try to blame me. He said "if you had taken me back none of this would have happened".

At first, I started to believe that but then I was thinking that's such BS. He was right in some aspect - it wouldn't have happened probably then but it would have happened at some point. It has before - so what's different now especially since he's still actively drinking.

I was decorating my Christmas tree the other day and I ran accross a Christmas picture of the entire family with Santa Claus and I started crying. It reminded me of my beautiful family that I once had. Looking back on things my life wasn't all that different just different chaos then from now. Then I started messing with the lights on the tree. I accidentally knocked off a ornament (one that the kids put on, I didn't realize it was even in the box of stuff)it smashed all over the floor, I looked and it was the our first Christmas ornament that we got when we eloped in Tennessee.
I took that as a sign!! Everything about us is broken and I never see putting the broken pieces back together again.

Even after two years of being apart, I still feel like he has this hook and I cannot break free. It's getting easier and easier but I still have some days where I'm really depressed. I know I can't pull out the good about him (that I hold on to) through all the layers of crap but it doesn't make it any easier. Time and being away from him, not talking to him makes it easier to deal with. I think by him going to jail was my HP's way of helping me get over him and making me realize that I am strong enough to do it on my own - completely own my own). I'm scared to death. I won't get any child support so i hope that doesn't make me latch on to something or someone else that's not good for me just to make things easier.

I feel really down right now because this is not what I had in mind for myself at 37 years old. I would have thought I would be alot further and be financially set by this age in life. Not having to borrow money from my parents.

Sorry, I've been rambling on and on..........

I really do wish everyone Happy Holidays!!!!!!

Love,
Galnva