Hi Everyone! Happy Holidays........sad times for me

Old 12-13-2002, 07:01 AM
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Hi Everyone! Happy Holidays........sad times for me

Hello to Everyone,

To those of you that I missed welcoming - welcome!!! I haven't posted in a long time. Alot has happened.....I took my family to Disney World for the week of Thanksgiving. I almost made the mistake of asking my ex-husband (A) to go with us. The day I was going to ask him to go with us was the day I found out (by someone other than himself) that a month ago he got arrested yet again for another DUI, evading and eluding, and assulting an officer. I took it as my higher power wanting me to know before I made the mistake of taking him with us.

His attorney is going to cost him around $6000.00 and has the chance of loosing his license for life and 9 years in jail. I asked him about it after I found out and he tried to deny it. He lied - what I suprise! Then he came clean and said yes "but, I think I'll be able to get out of it". That was it for me. I didn't ask him to go. He did try to blame me. He said "if you had taken me back none of this would have happened".

At first, I started to believe that but then I was thinking that's such BS. He was right in some aspect - it wouldn't have happened probably then but it would have happened at some point. It has before - so what's different now especially since he's still actively drinking.

I was decorating my Christmas tree the other day and I ran accross a Christmas picture of the entire family with Santa Claus and I started crying. It reminded me of my beautiful family that I once had. Looking back on things my life wasn't all that different just different chaos then from now. Then I started messing with the lights on the tree. I accidentally knocked off a ornament (one that the kids put on, I didn't realize it was even in the box of stuff)it smashed all over the floor, I looked and it was the our first Christmas ornament that we got when we eloped in Tennessee.
I took that as a sign!! Everything about us is broken and I never see putting the broken pieces back together again.

Even after two years of being apart, I still feel like he has this hook and I cannot break free. It's getting easier and easier but I still have some days where I'm really depressed. I know I can't pull out the good about him (that I hold on to) through all the layers of crap but it doesn't make it any easier. Time and being away from him, not talking to him makes it easier to deal with. I think by him going to jail was my HP's way of helping me get over him and making me realize that I am strong enough to do it on my own - completely own my own). I'm scared to death. I won't get any child support so i hope that doesn't make me latch on to something or someone else that's not good for me just to make things easier.

I feel really down right now because this is not what I had in mind for myself at 37 years old. I would have thought I would be alot further and be financially set by this age in life. Not having to borrow money from my parents.

Sorry, I've been rambling on and on..........

I really do wish everyone Happy Holidays!!!!!!

Love,
Galnva

Last edited by helluvagalnva; 12-13-2002 at 07:04 AM.
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Old 12-13-2002, 07:42 AM
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Hi, galnva---I'm newer to the forum, so I haven't had a chance to read any of your earlier posts----but I did want to say "WELCOME BACK"!!!! This place is awesome--as you probably already know. Anyway, the people here have helped me immensely, and I know that they can offer more love and support than anywhere I know. I'm very glad that your Higher Power worked in your favor and you didn't ask your ex to go to Florida----it may have been a disaster waiting to happen. It's easy for him to blame YOU for his troubles with the law----but don't you go believing him!!! Deep inside, you know that he has his own journey---and his daily choices apparently continue to get him into hot water!! You need to continue to take care of you----and try to get through each day. I've been trying to get through a breakup also, and the pain of looking at pictures of happier times is just too much to bear. (esp. at this time of year!!). During those times, I try (and the key word is "try") to think of happier moments and the love and support he gave me when I needed it. I miss the life we should/could have had were it not for HIS choices----but somewhere in his mind and heart, I know he's kicked himself many times over!! Choices, galnva---remember that, okay??? Remember the reflection that looks back at us in the mirror. Wishing you all the best!! Love, LACEEJOE
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Old 12-13-2002, 09:17 AM
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JT
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((((((((((((galnva))))))))))))))))))

It was nice to hear from you.

You sound so strong and focused. Unfortunately knowing what to do does not make it hurt less. We grieve relationships that die just like any other loved one. It will take a while but it will pass in time.

Happy holidays,
JT
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Old 12-13-2002, 10:06 AM
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Ann
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****{Galnva}}}

Welcome back!!! Christmas is tough for many of us, but there is a lot of joy out there free for the asking. Go to meetings, have a Christmas light tour with your kids, help out at a recovery house or a Soup Kitchen, or anywhere that lets you reach out to those worse off than yourself, bake some cookies for a senior in your neighbourhood and let the kids take them over, and enjoy today.

Working through the grief is hard, but if you keep your focus on today and your future instead of looking back at what might have been, you will see that YOU hold the key to your happiness.

My prayers are with you and your children that you may see how very blessed you are to have each other.
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Old 12-13-2002, 01:10 PM
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Galnva,
Hi, good to hear from you. I was just thinking about you last night. It is so funny to be in the middle of prayer and pray for Just Tired, Morning Glory, Anns, Smoke, and Hellofagalinva! LOL. But I do pray for all of you by name. Hang in there you are making new choices and your life is changing as a result. Together with your HIgher Power, there is nothing you can't do. Merry Christmas.
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Old 12-13-2002, 01:41 PM
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LOL, Rose, you made me laugh. I pray for us by name too and it does sound funny, but I know that God not only knows who we are, but that he has a special place in heaven with special angels just to keep tabs on us. .

Thank you for making my day.
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Old 12-13-2002, 03:55 PM
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galnva,

I'm thinking about you. I know how bad it hurts to let go of someone you love. I still experience sadness over past relationships.

Give some of that love back to yourself. You're a wonderful person.

Hugs,
MG
 
Old 12-13-2002, 08:34 PM
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************************{Galvna}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I have not been around much either...the HP is testing me. My terminally ill Mom had a heart attack while visiting me from out of town. The stress has been hell. She is ok...buit I sure can feel for you. Tonight my 12 foot tall Christmas tree fell over...............smashed to the ground.........it is my first holiday in 12 years without him( the A). I am wayyyyyyyyyyy older than you...but this is not what I pictured for me at 55. It is very hard I know...I have been there before. The A isdoing well...but he wants to come back now...since he has been doing so well for six whole weeks.........no way! The pressure is getting to me.
I have to agree with the group.....about helping others. My neice is a single Mom with 2 kids....they have just enough money. But her husband was a cocaine user and when she was really feeling the pinch about three years ago so they went to nursing homes and read to the people there that had NO one to come see them. They made cards.........painted jars and put fake flowers in them, the people loved it. The kids were proud. She made it a point to show the kids how lucky the were to have what they did and a Mommy to be with at Christmas and what Christmas really means... Love and peace. Hope all can go better for you.
Love Kitty
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