Originally Posted by Lovenjoy

I am really struggling. Not functioning well at work or at home. It is strange because as messed up as I was emotionally before I recognized I was codependent I did not have these problems of focus at work and with everyday responsibilities. I'm kinda scared as I do not know what is going on. I am working a program of recovery. Granted it is new but I am so committed and ready to heal.

Yet here I am. A basket case. Really falling apart. Looked up PTSD today 'cause this feels really extreme to me. I'm really not wallowing in it, yet it's there and overwhelms me out of nowhere. I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. Maybe professional therapy is in order? It wouldn't be easy to do and I am not even sure what to look for in a therapist. How do you find someone to work with you on this type of recovery? I'm not looking for a place to spill my guts, if I'm paying and going I would like some help that works with all that I am already doing. I've done some amazing reading here at SR today and so much has touched me. But something is getting in the way and I don't know what it is. I'm even ready to ask my boss if I can take some of my vacation time in order to address whatever is going on. And that is not really in the cards here because we are so busy.

Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. The difference between a good day and a bad day is just one day? But it has been many days in a row now….. I want so badly to get where many of you have gotten and I am willing… I thought the dark cloud was all his but I guess under it all I may have a dark cloud of my own to deal with? Or maybe it is just too much too soon as my last thread kinda brought to light? You are all so awesome and I would appreciate any advise you may have 'cause I am really concerned about having a full collapse here - spiritually, emotionally and physically. And yes, I am praying...