Counseling? What kind?

Old 03-10-2014, 01:14 PM
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Counseling? What kind?

I am really struggling. Not functioning well at work or at home. It is strange because as messed up as I was emotionally before I recognized I was codependent I did not have these problems of focus at work and with everyday responsibilities. I'm kinda scared as I do not know what is going on. I am working a program of recovery. Granted it is new but I am so committed and ready to heal.

Yet here I am. A basket case. Really falling apart. Looked up PTSD today 'cause this feels really extreme to me. I'm really not wallowing in it, yet it's there and overwhelms me out of nowhere. I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. Maybe professional therapy is in order? It wouldn't be easy to do and I am not even sure what to look for in a therapist. How do you find someone to work with you on this type of recovery? I'm not looking for a place to spill my guts, if I'm paying and going I would like some help that works with all that I am already doing. I've done some amazing reading here at SR today and so much has touched me. But something is getting in the way and I don't know what it is. I'm even ready to ask my boss if I can take some of my vacation time in order to address whatever is going on. And that is not really in the cards here because we are so busy.

Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. The difference between a good day and a bad day is just one day? But it has been many days in a row now….. I want so badly to get where many of you have gotten and I am willing… I thought the dark cloud was all his but I guess under it all I may have a dark cloud of my own to deal with? Or maybe it is just too much too soon as my last thread kinda brought to light? You are all so awesome and I would appreciate any advise you may have 'cause I am really concerned about having a full collapse here - spiritually, emotionally and physically. And yes, I am praying...
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Old 03-10-2014, 03:33 PM
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I've been in that place before......hell on earth is how it felt....in fact, I've been so desperate that I've sat naked in the bottom of the shower weeping and screaming at God. Why my son......

I found that initially, I was simply trying to manage his addiction like most mother's would.....he was a minor at the time and I had a measure of control (or so I thought). As the disease progressed, I tried a variety of "methods". I read everything I could get my hands on. I thought surely we could solve this problem. We experienced a series of successes and setbacks. We eventually did an intervention to "bring his bottom up". And still the disease progressed. As his disease progressed, my desperation progressed too......and so did my anxiety and fear. No one who hasn't experienced it can understand what it's like......my son's father was an addict.......I thought that was tough.....but it didn't prepare me for the heartache of watching my son's addiction progress.

I did go to private therapy. I found a wonderful therapist who was not an addiction specialist....she was a grief specialist......and she was wonderful (she was a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist). It really was about developing my own coping skills and understanding boundaries. Acceptance was key for me. I also completely surrendered to the concept of working a 12 step program. Between the two....I found my way back to a joyful life. But it was a battle....it took me about two solid years of working on me. Lots of meditation, yoga, exercise, and journaling too! I also used dance therapy.....it's amazing how much good music and movement can help to set my mood for the day. I still use many of those tools today.

No one here can suggest that you may be experiencing PTSD or anything else. We're not trained or licensed (nor do we have enough information). But a good therapist can work with you to determine what might work best to get you refocused on your life.

No....you're not making a mountain of a mole hill. You're in distress. Please.....take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 03-10-2014, 06:57 PM
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LOVENJOY,

It is my experience that inner wounds are like outer wounds when they are not addressed; they too get further infected until the pain and disorientation demands attention. Finding the right person to assist me towards healing those inner wounds has made all the difference in my life. I learned that although sites like this one, books, journaling, and 12 step meetings can provide amazing help, it is professional counsel that assists me to find the thorns, pull them out, accept the scars, get freer, and make better decisions for myself in a clearer way.

I hope you find the best answer that will meet what you need in an excellent way.
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Old 03-10-2014, 07:41 PM
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Lovenjoy,

I'm sending you hugs and prayers tonight. I read your post and thought...that's so similar to how I've been feeling...and you'll see from some of my posts that at times I appear to have come so far (well, maybe not this week, lol). I truly believe that I have, but there is so much more left that I'm still uncovering. This is complicated, this is hard, and as I'm learning...this is LONG. Don't give yourself a timeframe.

As others have said, the inner work takes time. And massive amounts of patience.

I will never understand how one day I can be "fine", and the next day I feel like I'm robotically barely making it, practically wishing the car would drive itself off of a cliff. I get so frustrated because it appears nothing has changed to make the day go so differently. And it scares me.

I can tell you that I likely needed a counselor long before I finally went. I was afraid of going because I didn't want to rehash the past, I wanted to move on. Once there I have been forced to work through my own remaining denial (and I'm not done). I realized I actually have to feel worse sometimes to truly get better, and that there are some aspects of the past that require more attention. And I'm still scared of how I feel sometimes.

Yuck.

For me it took a friend handing me an abuse counselor's number she'd gotten from a friend and begging me to at least try it. Because for me, the thought of finding a counselor was one of the most daunting things. I didn't have the energy to "shop" for one, and I didn't trust myself to pick one anyway. Sounds silly. Felt monumental. So I let someone else take care of that piece.

One day at a time.
Trying one can't hurt?

((((((((Hugs!)))))))))
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Old 03-10-2014, 07:47 PM
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When we get sick...a cold, a virus etc. Its not the illness that makes us sick, it is our bodies trying to fight it that cause such discomfort.

I view getting "healthy" the same way.
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Old 03-10-2014, 08:04 PM
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Lovenjoy,

thank you so much for sharing your experience. sorry to hear about your struggles, though. it has been like forever since I last responded on a thread, but I have been here on SR almost daily, reading as much as I can.

today marks my 3 yr anniversary of leaving the AH, pregnant and with 2 small kids. your post has prompted me to respond because it is so similar to the way I feel. I have my own business, which I'm not sure if it is a bad or a good thing, because being my own boss, I can take off or not work whenever I want to. I constantly go back and forth from having ok days, not so good days, don't want to do anything or talk to anybody days, to an occasional and rare very good day. it is like I'm stuck and paralyzed in not being able to shake off the negativity.

I know that I am way overdue for a visit to a counselor, should be going to alanon, should not be reading texts or listening to voicemails from my AH, etc, etc, but even making an effort to do this seems too much at times.

not really sure where I'm going with all this. I guess, I just wanted to let you know that I completely understand what are you dealing with. I wanted to send you hugs of support and understanding. we will get through this, as the hard part must already be over with. stay strong and take one day at a time.

hugs and hope.
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Old 03-10-2014, 08:08 PM
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Good to see you again.....
Hugs
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Old 03-10-2014, 08:11 PM
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thank you kindeyes. as always, your name is so calming as are your messages to everyone. thank you for all the support.

hugs and hope.
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Old 03-10-2014, 08:29 PM
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Lovenjoy, I picked my first counselor bc she wrote she liked dealing with Codie's on her web page. She was OK but I felt like she was not guiding me anywhere. I called my EAP for help with a kid counselor. I really liked him and I switched to him myself. He asks me tough questions. It is a little weird to have a male counselor but it works for me. He is also close to home and has night hours!

At first counseling, running, a new job, SR, some Al Anon helped. But in Dec I got depressed and apathetic. No exercise high. Started meds but they did not kick in for about 6 weeks. I am still having focus issues. I try to be patient with myself. Counseling and journaling have probably helped me the most.

Good luck.
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Old 03-10-2014, 10:35 PM
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Originally Posted by Lovenjoy View Post
I am really struggling. Not functioning well at work or at home. It is strange because as messed up as I was emotionally before I recognized I was codependent I did not have these problems of focus at work and with everyday responsibilities. I'm kinda scared as I do not know what is going on. I am working a program of recovery. Granted it is new but I am so committed and ready to heal.

Yet here I am. A basket case. Really falling apart. Looked up PTSD today 'cause this feels really extreme to me. I'm really not wallowing in it, yet it's there and overwhelms me out of nowhere. I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. Maybe professional therapy is in order? It wouldn't be easy to do and I am not even sure what to look for in a therapist. How do you find someone to work with you on this type of recovery? I'm not looking for a place to spill my guts, if I'm paying and going I would like some help that works with all that I am already doing. I've done some amazing reading here at SR today and so much has touched me. But something is getting in the way and I don't know what it is. I'm even ready to ask my boss if I can take some of my vacation time in order to address whatever is going on. And that is not really in the cards here because we are so busy.

Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. The difference between a good day and a bad day is just one day? But it has been many days in a row now….. I want so badly to get where many of you have gotten and I am willing… I thought the dark cloud was all his but I guess under it all I may have a dark cloud of my own to deal with? Or maybe it is just too much too soon as my last thread kinda brought to light? You are all so awesome and I would appreciate any advise you may have 'cause I am really concerned about having a full collapse here - spiritually, emotionally and physically. And yes, I am praying...
Im so sorry for what you are going through LovenJoy. I hope you can find peace along with all the answers your seeking very soon. I worked my recovery using therapy. The doctor I worked with specialized in addiction medicine but she also had special interest in family. It was an amazing experience for me, and I will forever be grateful for her help. I still talk to her, doubt I will ever totally let her go. If you have a primary care doctor that your comfortable with, then I would suggest telling her how your feeling and asking for referrals. Don't be afraid to test the waters with the therapist, see if you relate well, if its comfortable, and most importantly evaluate periodically to see if your needs are truly being met.
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Old 03-10-2014, 11:02 PM
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LJ,

I recently read a story about a doctor at one of those celebrity rehabs in California where the center claimed she was an addiction doctor. Turned out she had no formal training in addiction. Her actual specialty was internal medicine and aesthetic medicine which deals in wrinkles and Botox treatments. I guess looking good was more important than being sober. LOL

So, I would recommend that whomever you choose that you thoroughly check out their credentials. I hope you find someone who you are comfortable with. Best wishes to you.
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Old 03-10-2014, 11:18 PM
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Originally Posted by cynical one View Post
LJ,

So, I would recommend that whomever you choose that you thoroughly check out their credentials.
I agree, always do your research when looking for professional treatment, and verify credentials. Its very important to get proper medical and psychological care.
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Old 03-11-2014, 04:15 AM
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Early in recovery, about the time I stopped "stuffing" feelings and started feeling again...I had to break things down into "doable" pieces. I spent an hour in the morning reading and praying and starting my day with recovery thoughts and reminders.

Then I committed to living my recovery through the day. I had my own accounting practice at the time and sometimes I would take a walk when I didn't have clients, just to clear my head and get back on track.

Evenings I either went to a meeting or read my stepwork (I had a wonderful sponsor who gave me "homework" each week, lol) but again, put a time limit on it so I could have some quality "me" time as well.

I guess the short version of all this is that I found a great program, for me it was CoDA, I got a wonderful sponsor, and I learned to work 12 little steps that literally saved my life and that continue to guide my life today. I chose her at my meeting because I wanted what she had...and am grateful she was willing to share it.

It's natural to feel raw early in recovery, the more recovery tools you acquire, the stronger you will become.

Only you can decide what it best for you, but I know that for me it was to surround myself with people whose recovery I admired, much like SR but at meetings. One codie helping another...this is an awesome way to find balance and heal.

Hugs
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Old 03-11-2014, 06:57 AM
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My mother took me to the doctor a few weeks ago, went in with me, and told them I was having a nervous breakdown and that I needed help. Really I was having an anxiety attack, but it got the ball rolling. The doctors office (who are wonderful) set me up with a therapist who specializes in dealing with families with addiction in their lives. I have only went once for two hours, but it was a great start. The therapist and the doctors office are working together as I do need medication and they are updating each other, etc.

While it feels a little extreme to have this panel of people assigned to me (it is two people at the doctors office and the therapist), it is also a relief to just be getting help. The correct medication is helping also. I have tried in the past to find my own therapist, but this time I just went in and turned it all over to the doctors office and they took care of everything.

I encourage you to reach out. This helped me feel so much more in control of my life and helped me see I am not quite the mess I was thinking I am. It also helps to have a support system with my family. The therapist confimed that also, that recovery from anything is very hard to do, almost impossible, without a wide support system.

Tight Hugs, please get some help so you feel better and more in control of your own life. You can do this.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:23 PM
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Thank you!

Words can't express how important your responses are to me. Each and everyone of you gave me something precious with your caring words and heartfelt shares.

Wanted to touch base briefly and let you know my HP definitely loved that I was asking for help and cleared a path and pointed the way. With your advise in hand I researched and left a message with a psychologist. Because of a storm here he was able to call back and get me right in. And it feels like a good fit. In one session he gave me much that has helped. I could feel God's hand on me throughout. Am very grateful. All I can think is we've stopped the bleeding.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:40 PM
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I am so glad you went and had a good experience so far! XXX
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Old 03-13-2014, 07:40 PM
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Good news! It's always amazed me how I can ask for help......and help happens.

Keep taking care of you!

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 03-13-2014, 07:50 PM
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Lovenjoy,

I sincerely hope this next connection on your path towards healing fits just right. How wonderful that you were received so quickly.

Take care.
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