I've been in that place before......hell on earth is how it felt....in fact, I've been so desperate that I've sat naked in the bottom of the shower weeping and screaming at God. Why my son......
I found that initially, I was simply trying to manage his addiction like most mother's would.....he was a minor at the time and I had a measure of control (or so I thought). As the disease progressed, I tried a variety of "methods". I read everything I could get my hands on. I thought surely we could solve this problem. We experienced a series of successes and setbacks. We eventually did an intervention to "bring his bottom up". And still the disease progressed. As his disease progressed, my desperation progressed too......and so did my anxiety and fear. No one who hasn't experienced it can understand what it's like......my son's father was an addict.......I thought that was tough.....but it didn't prepare me for the heartache of watching my son's addiction progress.
I did go to private therapy. I found a wonderful therapist who was not an addiction specialist....she was a grief specialist......and she was wonderful (she was a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist). It really was about developing my own coping skills and understanding boundaries. Acceptance was key for me. I also completely surrendered to the concept of working a 12 step program. Between the two....I found my way back to a joyful life. But it was a battle....it took me about two solid years of working on me. Lots of meditation, yoga, exercise, and journaling too! I also used dance therapy.....it's amazing how much good music and movement can help to set my mood for the day. I still use many of those tools today.
No one here can suggest that you may be experiencing PTSD or anything else. We're not trained or licensed (nor do we have enough information). But a good therapist can work with you to determine what might work best to get you refocused on your life.
No....you're not making a mountain of a mole hill. You're in distress. Please.....take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke