My codependency is based on a fear of bad things happening to people I love. In my early childhood, bad things happened to people I loved, so I have spent much of my life as a caretaker, welcome or not, protecting everyone I love from harm.
I fit into caretaker roles so easily, I was the perfect daughter (and protector) to my mother, I was the perfect wife (and protector) to my husband, I was the perfect mother (and protector) to my son, and the perfect friend (and protector) to my closest friends). What I discovered is that these "roles" were all an illusion. I never had the power to protect any of them from life and what life handed them. And when life dealt them a bad hand, I felt personally responsible for not protecting them enough...another illusion.
When I finally, through recovery, stepped outside of these roles, I was able to get to know that stranger called "me". I discovered things about myself that I had never known, I found that stranger likeable after a while, and today that "stranger" is the better part of me, the part even I couldn't see.
Your counsellor can work through this with you. You can work on yourself by writing down your dreams, just dreams based on what you would like and not based on what anyone else would like for you. Find a small dream and plan a way to make it come true all by yourself. Get to know that better person who lives deep within yourself. I'll bet you like her when you get to know her.
Hugs
Ann