prodigal

... on the other hand, you know your past and I do not. I'm glad you felt loved and accepted as a child. But somewhere, that child, that feeling of self-acceptance, got lost. Perhaps you saw someone else in the role of caretaker and you admired that person for their ability to sacrifice. I'm only speculating.

Queen, you DO have a SELF - if you didn't you wouldn't be upset and angry that the expectations of what you had for marriage are not being met. Listen, I have a cousin who was diagnosed paranoid/schizophrenic. He does very well on his meds, but as far as expectations go? Well, he expects to have three square meals a day, he expects to take care of his brother's dogs when baby bro is away, but he expects little more from what I can tell - even when I see that glint in his eye that makes me remember the person he was before he became ill.

I look at my AH. Does he have a self? Oh, I suppose somewhere buried under almost 30 years of Johnny Walker Red. But he lost that self or else that self became too painful to face.

You're gonna be okay, Q. Keep fighting the good fight. I truly have faith that my H.P. brought me here almost a year ago for a reason. We're all in this together to support one another. Hey, we gotta have faith that there's light at the end of the tunnel that isn't a train, don't we????