He is baiting you, eh? I would have totally fell into that passive aggressive argument opening.
Our marriage communication skills are horrific. We both fight for the victim -martyr role like dogs. Of course now that I am trying to step out of my role and push for change, he is accusing me of 'trying to program him'. Well if programming is learning to express your feelings on occasion, then YES!
I don't know what you are supposed to do. This relapse is around 4 months now. I have told my RAH that relapse = leave the house. What are the consequences of him drinking? I so fear your situation. I wish you wisdom and SPRING so you can escape outside a bit soon.