Taking every ounce I have to not speak my mind...

Old 03-08-2014, 06:48 PM
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Taking every ounce I have to not speak my mind...

Tonight is rough for ME. I am sure not for him 3/4 of the way through his bottle. As you know, well some of you, with several sober years under his belt, my H went back to drinking about Thanksgiving time. I have done a helluva good job (comPared to my past) at keeping my thoughts and opinions to myself regarding his drinking. I have been mentally tossing around a way to approach him. He is one of the hardest people to get to open up and timing matters...won't do it when he's drinking and when our son is around. Add to that we have dealt with a very sick family member on his side of the family and he's literally been visiting this person daily right after work. It's a bad health situation with not a great outcome (a new excuse for him to drink too) so this adds to the hard time talking to him.

We went together to see her and on the way home I mentioned we should go to our favorite Mexican restaurant. He says nope. Home we go and I take son off to high school dance pictures. I get home and start some normal cleaning. He asks why I didn't bring pizza home and I said I didn't feel like it. He says well I did. He said something else so I said (dumb, dumb, dumb when he was drinking) did I do something wrong? Oh boy....he says of course not, YOU never do its ALWAYS me that does. I literally had to bite my tongue and look at the dishes I was washing as I wanted to scream and yell. I didn't, we haven't spoken since. I retreated into the bathroom and tool a good long hot bath. I have to be at work early in the morning which will feel even earlier with daylight savings time!!

Damn....struggling to not be judgmental, not blow up but wanting things I know he's not capable of giving himself let alone me!!! So happy I will be gone for 7 hours in the morning! Perhaps he will be told to go on the visit alone tomorrow!

Thanks for letting me vent on a night I needed too!
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Old 03-08-2014, 06:58 PM
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You're stronger than I am. My AW came home drunk today, after a year and a half of sobriety (at least I think so) and I blew up. It didn't last long, because I remembered, from past experience that it's like throwing snowballs at a bonfire. I finally just went into my office and left her alone. She wouldn't even admit that she'd been drinking.

So, I understand a little of what you may be feeling, and it can be a lonely place. Best of luck to you.
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Old 03-08-2014, 07:35 PM
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Sorry your going thru this with your H and with the situation with a sick relative. Breath and find time to take care of you. ((Hugs))
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Old 03-08-2014, 08:13 PM
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I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. I know that I had such a hard time with finding the right time to approach my ABF with important discussions, and then reigning myself in when he would try to goad me into an argument. I had to finally realize that the world I live in was completely different than the one he resides in, so our "realities" will never quite mesh up.
I'm glad you were able to do things for yourself, and hope that work goes well for you tomorrow, even with the daylight saving time in the morning.
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Old 03-09-2014, 07:41 AM
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He is baiting you, eh? I would have totally fell into that passive aggressive argument opening.

Our marriage communication skills are horrific. We both fight for the victim -martyr role like dogs. Of course now that I am trying to step out of my role and push for change, he is accusing me of 'trying to program him'. Well if programming is learning to express your feelings on occasion, then YES!

I don't know what you are supposed to do. This relapse is around 4 months now. I have told my RAH that relapse = leave the house. What are the consequences of him drinking? I so fear your situation. I wish you wisdom and SPRING so you can escape outside a bit soon.
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