TeM - I have been on that rollercoaster of hope and despair as well. It's so hard when you feel safe and then you don't any more. I finally had to give up for my own sanity. I'm in the process of filing for bankruptcy, and I've moved into a small little apartment MUCH smaller and "shabbier" than what I was accustomed to. My little apartment was scrubbed every inch by me, and has been turned into such a place of security and peace for me. I'm still getting used to how well I sleep now, and how I can just do whatever I please. I come and go whenever I like, and I no longer have the stress and anxiety that I had when I was living with my ABF.
I wish you all the best...