spedteach

Tonight is rough for ME. I am sure not for him 3/4 of the way through his bottle. As you know, well some of you, with several sober years under his belt, my H went back to drinking about Thanksgiving time. I have done a helluva good job (comPared to my past) at keeping my thoughts and opinions to myself regarding his drinking. I have been mentally tossing around a way to approach him. He is one of the hardest people to get to open up and timing matters...won't do it when he's drinking and when our son is around. Add to that we have dealt with a very sick family member on his side of the family and he's literally been visiting this person daily right after work. It's a bad health situation with not a great outcome (a new excuse for him to drink too) so this adds to the hard time talking to him.

We went together to see her and on the way home I mentioned we should go to our favorite Mexican restaurant. He says nope. Home we go and I take son off to high school dance pictures. I get home and start some normal cleaning. He asks why I didn't bring pizza home and I said I didn't feel like it. He says well I did. He said something else so I said (dumb, dumb, dumb when he was drinking) did I do something wrong? Oh boy....he says of course not, YOU never do its ALWAYS me that does. I literally had to bite my tongue and look at the dishes I was washing as I wanted to scream and yell. I didn't, we haven't spoken since. I retreated into the bathroom and tool a good long hot bath. I have to be at work early in the morning which will feel even earlier with daylight savings time!!

Damn....struggling to not be judgmental, not blow up but wanting things I know he's not capable of giving himself let alone me!!! So happy I will be gone for 7 hours in the morning! Perhaps he will be told to go on the visit alone tomorrow!

Thanks for letting me vent on a night I needed too!