Hi Newdad,
Welcome to the Recovery Forums. It does sound like you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know from my own experience that left to my own devices I will do what I know, what I've always done.....and that is to drink and use. I needed help and I found it in Alcoholics Anonymous. By going to meetings everyday it helped me not to pick up. If I felt a craving, I would call someone in the program or talk to my sponsor. It's very hard in the beginning to fight the cravings and I was only able to do it by being part of a fellowship where I found support, love, and friendship. I also met a great many people who traveled the road I was on and were able to give me insight on how to stay sober. Like I said, without that.....I would just do what I've alsways done.
Keep posting and let us know of your progress