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I finally admitted it.

Old 12-12-2002, 03:28 PM
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I finally admitted it.

Hello out there. I'm 33 years old and I've let my drinking habit last to long. It started back when I was just out of High School going to a local Junior College. I would binge drink with the guys on the weekend. I let this slowly but surely turn in to a drinking habit that I know has to stop.

I finally admitted to my wife that I cannot control my drinking. It was on October 14th, 2002. I admitted to her all the pints of vodka I drank on the way home from work each day. I would down a pint of vodka in less than a half hour every evening for the last year or so. She knew a lot of the time and would confront me on it, but I would lie and deny everything. I got sick of lying, decieving, driving drunk, being tired all day, spending our money on alcohol, feeling sick in the morning, lying, feeling guilty, not performing to my full potential at work, lying, not exercising, worrying about my health, etc... I got sick of drinking. I finally admitted it to my wife, and I think it will be one of the best things that I've ever done in my life.

I went 10 days after that day without a drop. That seemed to me like a great accomplishment for me seeing how I couldn't even remember the last time I went longer than 2 days without drinking. So what do I do...I celebrate with a pint of vodka on the way home from work on a Friday - that would be Oct. 25th. My wife had no suspicions and I had a great buzz. I felt sorta low but figured I would just stop again for a week or so and maybe do it again. You know - thinking to myself "maybe I can control this".

I went another 6 days without a drop and did the "celebratory pint" on the next Friday Nov. 1st. I kept going this time, though, and secretly drank my pint a day over the two day weekend. From there I had a max of one day straight of not drinking here and there, and up to 11 days straight of the "pint" days. My wife could tell and I would lie again.

52 days after I first admitted to my wife of my problem, it was my daughters first birthday (Dec. 5). To then, I had a total of 29 non drinking days and 23 drinking days. That night I admitted to my wife that I fell off the sober path. I want this time to be for good. I owe it to my wife and daughter. I owe it to myself. I am lucky that I haven't gotten in trouble with the law (drunk driving). I am lucky I have been able to perform at work well enough to keep my job. I would never drink during work, but I got so tired at work from the drinking. Since that Dec. 5, I haven't drank, so I'm 6 days sober and will be 7 days after today. I find that exercise is the key for me to beat the bad feelings/urges. I've been walking/jogging every night and feel GREAT afterwards. I hope to get back in to shape and start running 5-Ks and 10-Ks again like I have before. My daughter has sooooo much energy and is very fast now at age 1 and it will be great to be in tip top shape so I can keep up to speed with her as the years go on.

Thanks for listening. I had to get this out.

Alex
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Old 12-12-2002, 03:52 PM
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Newdad,


Welcome. And thanks soooo much for the post.
Keep it up One Day At A Time.

Blessings,
Vinnie
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Old 12-12-2002, 09:41 PM
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Hi Newdad,

Welcome to the Recovery Forums. It does sound like you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know from my own experience that left to my own devices I will do what I know, what I've always done.....and that is to drink and use. I needed help and I found it in Alcoholics Anonymous. By going to meetings everyday it helped me not to pick up. If I felt a craving, I would call someone in the program or talk to my sponsor. It's very hard in the beginning to fight the cravings and I was only able to do it by being part of a fellowship where I found support, love, and friendship. I also met a great many people who traveled the road I was on and were able to give me insight on how to stay sober. Like I said, without that.....I would just do what I've alsways done.

Keep posting and let us know of your progress
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Old 12-12-2002, 10:21 PM
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Hi, NEWDAD----Congratulations on taking that first step and admitting that you are powerless over the alcohol!!! That is a crucial step---and a difficult one. I just wanted to tell you how proud you should be that you've taken this step while your daughter is young---possibly, with help, you will be able to share in her life sober. My grandchildren aren't so blessed. Their father won't admit to an alcohol problem, though everyone who knows him realizes how bad it is. Sadly, my 7-year old granddaughter has already suffered from the effects. I would hate for any other child to see and feel what she has had to at such a tender age, so I was especially happy to see that you are trying to change your life. I want to wish you the best in your recovery---and urge you to continue coming to these boards for support. Also, AA is a wonderful place to help you on a daily basis. It is a lifelong struggle, and a journey that will bring daily choices. God bless you with wonderful memories this holiday season!!
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Old 12-14-2002, 02:46 PM
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Thank you for your story...hope you come back to hear replies.

I can only speak for me....I could stop drinking over and over...that was never a problem. What I could not do was stay stopped.

For me Putting the plug in the Jug was not enough. When you talked about Excersising it brought me to Chapter 3 in our Big Book, where it talks about all the things we did to stop and or control our drinking. Taking more excersise, reading inspirational books, swearing off, drinking only in the mornings, switching from hard liguoir to beer, taking a trip, not taking a trip, (suggest reading it yourself to get the correct wording)..it ends by saying "add infinitum"

I tried stopping for my husband, for the courts, and all the time I was sincere. Alcohol is only a symptom of underlying problems....
The only way I have ever been able to stop and stay stopped is through the program of AA one day at a time. If you be a alcoholic.....there will come the day when you will have no mental defense against that first drink again....We have a daily reprieve...without Uncovering, Discovering and Discarding the defects of character that keep us going back...most will never get rid of the obsession to drink. ...It returns during bad times, during good times, and the scariest when we do not even know why.

Our Big Book Of AA is a good place to start. I recommend reading it, also taking the questionaire. (If someone has it maybe they can give it to you)...then ask yourself if you identify. If so maybe AA is for you. Its a program for people that want it ...the cemetaries jails and instutions are full of people who need it.

Thanks for you honesty, hope to see you here often.
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Old 12-16-2002, 02:52 PM
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Thanks for the replies.

I've decided not to drink alcohol again. It may not be as simple as it sounds, but it's what I've commited myself not to do. I hope anyone else with a habitual drinking problem does the same. We'll be much better off.

I wanted to drink this weekend. My wife went out for the evening with my sister. I took my daughter out to rent a DVD and get some take-out. While I was out, I thought about stopping to pick up something to drink to bring home. I thought about the buzz I would have if I did, and how great it would feel. I REALLY wanted to drink. I made the choice not stop and pick up that drink. I went home and had dinner with my daughter, played with her, put her to bed and watched my movie. It was a good decision.

Alex
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Old 12-16-2002, 04:37 PM
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YOU'RE DOING WELL!!!

Congratulations on not stopping for that drink, Newdad!!! That was a big step for you!!! I'm sure that the memories you made with your daughter that day will stick with both of you for a long time!! Keep it up----and God bless!!
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Old 12-16-2002, 05:00 PM
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Thanks for updating us. Hope your life without alcohol is happy , joyous and free....
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Old 12-20-2002, 08:44 AM
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Hey, newdad -

Your original post really struck home for me. I'm 28 and have a wife. My daughter is approaching her first birthday and last Friday night was my big wake-up call. Like you, I haven't gone without a drink for longer than 2 days during the past 6 months or so. I would routinely drink 5 or 6 beers on my way home from work every night. Then I would continue to drink a beer or two after getting home. My wife had no idea. Last Friday I met a friend out for a few pints after work. I was to be home early with pizza for my wife and I as we had plans to decorate the Christmas tree. Well, those few pints turned into about 8 beers (maybe more, I lost count) and I didn't get home until almost 9. My wife gave me a well-deserved tongue lashing and it was then that I broke down and admitted to her (and myself) that I had a problem. She called my parents and I was soon the phone with them, spilling my guts about all the sneaking around and drunk-driving I had been doing. The next morning my wife and I had a long talk. She had no idea I had this problem. I have a lot going for me in my life ... a great wife, great job, great home and a beautiful daughter who we almost lost to pulminary hypertension during the first months of her life. Anyway, I couldn't believe I was admitting that I had a drinking problem and that I was an alcoholic. I attended my first AA meeting this past Tuesday and it was so surreal. The stories I heard about other people's drinking habits hit home and I truly realized then that I wasn't alone but that it had to stop. I went 4 days without a drink and then had that celebratory binge on the way home from work Wed. night. I drank 6 beers and was scared to death my wife would notice. She didn't but I was very disappointed in myself. Like you, I couldn't resist thinking about the great buzz I would get.

I guess the point of my story is that you are not alone. Alcoholism does not discriminate among rich, poor, race or education. It can affect anyone and it hits you like a sledghammer the first time you realize you have a problem. Hang in there and remember what a wonderful family you have. You owe it to them to stop drinking. I keep telling myself the same thing. It's so hard, though, so keep coming back to this board and try going to an AA meeting. It was scary as hell for me but I am so glad I did it and I'm going to keep going back.

Keep in touch and try your best to stay sober!
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Old 09-08-2003, 11:33 AM
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Thought I'd post an update on my progress...

Since that last post I did about the night I passed on getting that drink when my wife was out, I broke down and drank on 10 occasions (I have a calander I've been using to track my drinking/sober days). The last drinking day I had consisted of 3 glasses of wine one evening and was after 32 sober days. I enjoyed it to a point, but realized the urge to keep drinking was there. I would have loved to keep drinking to extend the buzz for a longer time, but at the same time knew how guilty I would feel if I got plastered again. This was another attempt to convince myself I can enjoy a few drinks and control it. The urge to keep drinking was too great and I realized It wasn't that enjoyable at all in the end.

That was on March 11, 2003 and I haven't drank since (180 days sober). I am enjoying sobriety much more than any buzz I got off of Vodka. By choosing not to drink, I've been able to accomplish tasks I used to only talk or think about doing. I used to drink to relieve my stress...now I have other much more rewarding means. I used to drink because I thought it made me a better person to be around in social situations...now I realize how that person wasn't even me. I used to drink because I loved the buzz it gave me...now I miss that buzz, but know the consequences and can live hapilly without it.

I'm going to stop marking my days on the calander as sober days from now on. I'll remember March 11, 2003 as the day I had my last drink. That should be good enough from now on and I hope others here will come to a date like that to remember and have the strength to keep it.

Alex
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Old 09-08-2003, 12:21 PM
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Hey Alex!

Glad to see how much time you have under your belt! I mark every single one of my days sober. I am sober 100 days today and so greatful.

I did not see if you attend AA or not. Have you ever considered it? It sounds as though you operate on sheer will power and I commend you for it. I know for myself that will power was never enough, and no matter how long of a sober run I would go on, that I would drink again without a program. Just being nozy here!

You are doing such a great job, and youre right, your wife, daughter and YOU are so worth it. Keep it up!

A friend in sobriety,
LG
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Old 09-08-2003, 07:18 PM
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Way To Go Alex

:slider: Good Luck
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Old 09-08-2003, 07:22 PM
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Wonderful LettingGo!!

Dance On!!
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Old 09-08-2003, 09:29 PM
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Originally posted by newdad
Thought I'd post an update on my progress...


snip

This was another attempt to convince myself I can enjoy a few drinks and control it. The urge to keep drinking was too great and I realized It wasn't that enjoyable at all in the end.

That was on March 11, 2003 and I haven't drank since (180 days sober). I am enjoying sobriety much more than any buzz I got off of Vodka. By choosing not to drink, I've been able to accomplish tasks I used to only talk or think about doing. I used to drink to relieve my stress...now I have other much more rewarding means. I used to drink because I thought it made me a better person to be around in social situations...now I realize how that person wasn't even me. I used to drink because I loved the buzz it gave me...now I miss that buzz, but know the consequences and can live hapilly without it.

I'm going to stop marking my days on the calander as sober days from now on. I'll remember March 11, 2003 as the day I had my last drink. That should be good enough from now on and I hope others here will come to a date like that to remember and have the strength to keep it.

Alex
What a great update, Alex!
Thanks for posting this. I think you've demonstrated how a change in your basic beliefs can lead to a change in your behavior.
You've faced the temptation we all deal with after we quit drinking--the desire to drink "moderately"--and recognized that it was unlikely to succeed. You've achieved sobriety after a few lapses, and moved on. As long as you recognize that the temptation to "moderate" may be there again in the future, and have tools in place to deal with that temptation, it sounds as though your lifestyle change is permanent.
Check in again, from time to time. This kind of post helps untold lurkers on this board.
Thanks for posting!
Don S
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Old 09-08-2003, 09:51 PM
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Great job Alex

There are some great drunks in Orange County! I only say that because I have been to meetings out there. Nice folks.

Have you decided to give AA a try? For me it beats "white knuckling."

Please feel free to post in the AA forum and dig in to the info.

Thanks for sharing and it's great that you are sober. Your family will appreciate it, and you will appreciate them much more when sober than when drunk.

Ken
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Old 09-09-2003, 06:33 PM
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Hi Alex and welcome back!

Congrats on your sober days you should be very proud. I wish you well. For me it wasn't enough to just quit, couldn't do it alone. I wish you well so keep coming back!
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Old 09-09-2003, 06:34 PM
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LG!!!!

AWESOME you!!! How you feeling? Doing okay? I am so happy for you! How's that baby doing? Keep in touch!
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Old 09-09-2003, 09:37 PM
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Thanks for the update newdad.

I will also encourage you to try a couple of AA meetings.Many alcoholics stay sober on their own but you may find that hanging out with other recovering alcoholics can make it a lot easier and a lot more fun.
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Old 09-09-2003, 10:27 PM
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Alex,
Congratulations on arriving at that place where you were able to make a committment to yourself to stop once and for all. If you plan on taking this action by yourself without other support systems you might want to check out some simple techniques for remaining permanently substance abuse free at the Rational Recovery website. Many people take the AA path but there are other alternatives. It is your sobriety and yours alone and you owe it to yourself to check out what is out there for your own sake.

Best of luck,

Dart
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Old 09-10-2003, 09:11 AM
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Hi Chy,

Doing well here! Still sober and baby is growing strong! I am going to be 400 lbs at the end of this pregnancy!!!

LOL,
LG
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