Hi, SiRi... I would print out your post that I'm sure it took much courage to write. Keep it in your pocket at all times and read it whenever you get those twinges of guilt, "love" (that's not love, btw), whatever that keeps you from staying away from that dangerous, ungrateful person. Also keep it as evidence for the police, as from what he sounds like, he is capable of anything. Get to know your abuse hotlines and hideaways just in case. And for gosh sakes, get a restraining order or some kind of paper trail with the law in place before he strikes. And keep posting. We will help and support you in any way we can.