Since that day it hasn’t ever gotten that bad. There’s been some incidents where he’s grabbed me by the throat, pushed me, threw me, smacked me around a bit, but nothing that bad. UGH… I can’t even stand myself for typing this, I’m reading what I’m writing and I sound SO PATHETIC! How did this happen to me?? He’s went through periods where he stopped drinking and things were so great, but it always starts up again. He binge drinks for the entire weekend and doesn’t remember anything. He yells at me, calls me all kinds of name, tells me I’m all types of vile things, and says the most evil things you can imagine. And, I’ve stayed. I kept telling myself he’s getting better, it’s not like it was, a little more time and maybe I’ll be rid of all his bad behaviors. When my guy cousins and brothers look at me I can tell they pity me, they think I’m weak, they always ask what happened to the strong and confident sister they’ve always known.
I’m a shell of myself, I haven’t been happy in years, I feel lost, dead inside. I find myself drinking with him just to numb the pain, just to be able to deal with his drunkenness. And since I do, he tells me I’m a hypocrite because I drink and he’s a grown man who can do what he wants. He tells me I’m delusional and over-exaggerate situations. So, I decided to videotape him to show him. The first time I did it he was so apologetic and couldn’t believe what an a** he was, but that quickly because a lost cause. Now he gets mad when I try and show him what happened the night before. He tells me I’m trying to set him up, that I want to put him away, and I’m a evil b**** of a wife.
Let me say, he’s not like this all the time. During the week when he has to work and he’s sober, he’s perfect, he’s my best friend and I love him to death. But, the weekends are a different story. The past two months every weekend I’ve been staying at my parents house. I’ve told him that when he starts drinking at 7:00 in the morning, I’m leaving and I won’t be back until he’s sober. This only means that I end up having to stay away all weekend long. At least I’m safe and my nerves are a little better. He tells me I’m being a lame b***** for telling him what to do and I should be happy because he stopped putting his hands on me! Well, he hasn’t put his hands on me because I leave the house for days at a time to make sure that doesn’t happen!
Wow. I had to take a pause before responding because you could be telling my story. I endured similar abuse for five years from my ex. Coming from a perspective of one who waited too long to leave- this does not get better. Two more years are two more years of pain and abuse that you do not deserve. The "great guy" he is during the week and the "weekend monster" are the same man. The weekend binges will begin to spill over into the week, that's just the progressive nature of alcoholism.
Sounds like you have one foot out the door already. You don't feel safe in your own home. You deserve peace and safety. Sounds like you have some family support already. If you're ready to start making an exit plan, I would encourage you to do so. Priority #1 is your safety, so keep that foremost in your mind. Maybe have your guy cousins there to help you move so that you're not alone with your husband. Make a bug-out bag with all the important papers/documents you might need in case you have to leave in a hurry.
I will be thinking of you. Please take care. You can be safe and happy and free. I left seven months ago and haven't looked back.