I agree. Call the DV hotline. Keep reasoning things out with others who offer you support. It's difficult in these sorts of relationships because while the lows are so low, the highs are so high & it makes it harder to gain perspective. You may wonder who is the real him? But I also agree, that although the people are different, DV usually has certain predictable patterns. It sounds like, from what you are saying, that he is starting to rationalize his behavior when drunk more & more when he is sober? This is a man with some severe emotional issues & you are not safe with him. If it were your child who were with this man, what would your advice be to her? Would you tell her to stay or leave? It sounds like you are filming him in these blackout rages to convince him, but the thing is, he is not capable at this point to be convinced because he too sick & you CANNOT help him. The best thing you can do for him is to leave. I am not saying this bc I think you should be focused on him at all, just that it sounds like you are partly staying bc of concern for him over your own safety. Take care of you. It doesn't get better staying with a man with rage issues, who is in active addiction who is getting no kind of help, it gets much worse as the disease progresses & their rage takes over. Please don't stay & let this man kill you. It's time to go.