MB. I just want to put a note in here to tell you that I know how you feel. I've been feeling low (very) for the last couple of months also. But remember there are people who care about you. Perhaps you have a family? I keep going because I have a son who loves me. He would be devastated if I did something to hurt myself. I don't want to scare you but I think you're in danger. PLEASE seek some help. Just the act of telling this all to someone will help you if you can possibly drag yourself in there. I know that paralyzed feeling you're describing so well. I went to a psychiatrist. He's put me on medication. It seems to be helping. You could go to urgent care.
I wish you all the best. I don't know what to say except I understand and hope you find relief. Think about it. Do you really want to end your life or do you just want to feel better? I'm betting you want to live but you're in so much pain you can't think straight. Choose life. Go after the pain with a doctors help. Love to you, MB!