Thank you so, so, so much, my friends.
You are right - you are my family. Family that gives me unconditional love, something I never got in my life.
Riverbird - thank you a lot for taking time to give me details about indigent care program, but unfortunately I am not in the US. I am actually in Moscow, and here ER would hardly recommend me indigent care program.
Anyway, I am going to call my therapist tomorrow and arrange for one session, and to ask her for advice on the situation and recommend me where to turn for help and prescription.
And my best friend is coming this week (a few years ago she married a guy from another city and moved there). She stay here for a week and then go to Germany for her surgery. And this Friday we are going to Depeche Mode concert! I think it's quite a reason to hang on to this life for a while.
And, I think, I will probably take Hollyanne's advice about doing nothing for a couple of days. I mean stop desperately looking for solutions to fix everything in my life, stop beating myself up, just stop.
Thank you for keeping me afloat.
Love you.
Hope you'll have a great day)