copperducky---I don't know if he is any kind of program....but, I'm assuming not---like he is trying hard to "white knuckle" it in order to cut down enough to satisfy you. To get you off his case.
I am further guessing that the reason that you feel so discombobulated inside is that you want so desperately for him to be "cured" and, yet, you know that he will quickly slide back to the same pattern before. I also feel like you are correct in that assumption.
The alcoholic's most desperate wish is to be able to do controlled drinking like non-alcoholics are able to do. That way, they don't have to give up their most important coping device--alcohol. To give up alcohol completely feels like death to the alcoholic. Most alcoholics only consider real sobriety when the pain of drinking becomes worse than the anticipated pain of giving up their best friend---alcohol.
I know you are desperate to keep the relationship....but, I feel that your fears are real.
Don't blame yourself---learn more about this disease and find out how to protect yourself. Alanon would be a good support for you, right now.
dandylion