SparkleKitty

Can you talk a little bit more about this? Boundaries are tools we use to protect ourselves from uncomfortable or dangerous situations. They are very healthy tools. When they are expressed, but not enforced, all we do is teach our A's that we do not really mean what we say, and that there are no consequences to engaging in behavior they know we don't like.

Of course, boundaries do not have to be expressed. They can just be guidelines by which you choose to live your life.

Since you cannot control your A, you can only control yourself, a boundary like, "I will not be in a house where there is drinking," would require you to leave the environment if he chose to drink while you were home. You could ask your A not to drink in the house, but you don't have any means of stopping him if he chooses to do so.

I know that all the talking in the world had very little effect on the behavior of the A's in my life. It was only when I began to take action towards taking care of myself despite whatever they did that they understood I was serious about how I wanted to live, and what I would or wouldn't tolerate. The first time I hung up on my A mother, she finally understood what I meant when I said I wasn't going to waste time talking to a drunk.