Hi Lacy
My son is a 34 year old addict, who has been in and out of recovery for the past 10 years (presently out).
I have let him live at home a couple of times, always with boundaries. As JT mentioned, I just made sure that these boundaries were about ME and not about controlling him. My boundaries were curfew (so I could sleep), no using (I will not support or enable an active addict), and respect at all times, because I deserve respect. The deal was, that I love him just as much if he chooses to live somewhere else, but that if he lives with me he must respect my boundaries.
It didn't work any of the times he lived here and I probably would not allow him to move home again...the chaos is just not worth it.
You can set your own boundaries, and I pray it will work better for you.
Now, please know that what I am about to say, I say with love in my heart. Okay?
We have a saying here...."hands off the addict...step back....back away and let go". His relationship with his boss is his business, his relationship with his lawyer is his business (although I do concede that your safety might require that you understand what is at stake). His recovery is his business. All that is your business is YOUR relationship with him and how he behaves in your presence.
We cannot control them, their disease or their recovery.
But we can control our recovery and have respect for ourselves. And we do that by working our program and setting our boundaries.
If your meetings are AA, then I will also suggest trying some Al-anon meetings too. The 12-steps are the same, but the issues are different and Al-anon may help you with this side of the problem. Many people at my meeting also attend NA or AA, and receive benefits from both. Double win for you.
Keep posting with us, share your recovery here with others who can help and benefit, and just know that we care.
My prayers are with you and your son. God bless every mother of an addict.