Originally Posted by
jkb 
Wasn't sure where to post so I thought here was as good a place as any. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ???????? The last two months or so I feel very unsettled. I feel like the only thing that has changed for me is that I no longer drink. I know deep down that is not true.
Hi Jess,
Upon feeling so unsettled, the first next thought that "...the only thing that has changed for me is that I no longer drink." reveals that these negative feelings are, if not wholly, primarily attributable to your Beast. You are feeling IT and by using AVRT, you can attribute those negative feelings to IT and not YOU.
Remember, we forget the pain drinking has caused in our lives faster than we forget the old pleasure from being under the influence of alcohol. I suspect IT is taking advantage of that to try and get you to think it was stupid to make a Big Plan. (In my case, I call that Beast idea of "stupidity" of making the Big Plan the absolute joy of having found the only route I know to gradually return to a state of innocence regarding mind altering drug use. You see, I no longer remember what it feels like to be under the influence of alcohol or drugs. It did take a number of years for the memories of the sensation of pleasure to evaporate.)
As to what YOU are feeling, take good notice of what's behind YOUR expressing "deep down I know [what IT says] is not true".
I mean I got another job that I really wanted so, now I work two jobs.
I am raising a teenager which is stressful under the best of circumstances but, it seems the longer I am sober the more she acts out. Not sure if this is my imagination.
Here again is IT. Your Beast wants you to think your daughter is acting out BECAUSE you are no longer drinking. "Go on, have a drink and she'll be much more manageable."
I am still stuck in this relationship due to a lease and fear of regretting leaving at 37 to start over again.
I feel old.
I still hate this stupid place I live despite knowing that I will not make the kind of money I am making here, anywhere else.
I still feel trapped.... I still feel unhappy.
Of-course the beast loves this sh*t thinking and is preying on it. I have no real thoughts of saying "f*ck it lets have a drink beast.... me and you" however, it is there. I tend to ignore it but, occasionally, especially the last few weeks, I have been entertaining it more than I used to.
If you have a Big Plan (I will never drink again.) then it is not possible to "entertain" IT without your intentionally playing the "double agent" pretending to go along with IT just to see what IT comes up with. That's called "shifting" in Addictive Voice Recognition Technique.
I just feel so f***ing trapped and isolated. I feel like there has just got to be more.......
Jess
Shifting invariably flushes IT out and exposes ITs ridiculous logic, and IT ends up feeling trapped and isolated within you, because YOU understand reason, YOUR human values, YOUR ability to make long term plans, and, most importantly in regard to what these threads are all about, what it meant to decide "I will never drink again." That is an irrevocable pledge. I thank my lucky stars (and grey matter) that I have the capacity to make such a pledge.
Struggles and accomplishments in life are real. Their variety is part of what makes it interesting. You've brought up some excellent examples in your last post. Disconnecting it all from future drinking/drugging is what AVRT does so well. Yes, AVRT gives us a huge freedom of time and choice compared to being "in recovery".
If you've got "AVRT: The New Cure for Substance Addiction" by Jack Trimpey, you might get something out of reviewing "Part II: AVRT the Book Course".
GT