InTheEnd

Morning all! Day 12 and hope you are well and HAPPY FRIDAY! Due to circumstances beyond my control, last night I had to give the bad news that going away to college for my daughter wasn't an option due to money (her dad refuses to help with any money though he has plenty of it). This is a very looooong story, but their relationship has been deteriorating over the years but I never thought it would come to this. But he found away to hurt both of us in one fell swoop. Though this "kind" of behavior has become the norm for him, I never expected it to come to this.

Anyway, it was quite eye opening on my part last night, the feelings and thoughts I had. I felt so much emotional pain last night, knowing she would be crushed when I told her. I paced the house, wondering what to do with myself. This would've been an "emergency" that required much "medication" (wine) but I didn't. I paced, I weeped a bit on and off, then I thought, "I just won't tell her yet". She came home and we were just talking about things and she could tell something was on my mind. I told her and my little girl, who I expected to break down and lose it, stayed composed. After a pretty mature discussion between us, she said she knew deep inside he might pull something like this and THAT IT WASN'T MY FAULT!.......OMG! That made me cry. She knew and has seen everything I've been doing to try to make this work and wanted to let me know she appreciated everything I've done for her and that she knows the struggle of trying to get through to her father.

As much as I'm concerned about her, which she seems okay with everything, I have to admit I feel pretty good about myself to (though I feel a bit selfish for making this about me). This would've been become a MAJOR wine night, with an especially painful morning today just 2 weeks ago. I'm so glad I didn't go there.

My first major uncomfortable thing without alcohol and contrary to my "belief" that my wine was the answer to all these feelings.....it was quite a surprise to see me in "action" without the added fuel and the silver lining of this mess? We're okay today. Life will go on and she will thrive. Being able to really be "in the moment" and stay composed was a blessing for both of us. (Though I still have feelings of wanting just walk right up to him and knock him out with a 2by4, I will refrain and keep them to myself...well, I'll share that with ya'll)!!!

The world didn't end without my beloved wine. I didn't fall into a heap on the floor without it. I was right there, front and center.....and I liked it. Feeling what I'm supposed to feel instead of numbing myself out and over-exxagerating the emotions.

Thanks again for listening....sorry for rambling!